Should you have/make a new opposite-sex friend when in a serious relationship?
This is a topic I’ve come face-to-face with on multiple occasions. In one instance, I would say it pretty much ruined our relationship. Developing a bestfriendship with someone of the opposite sex while in a serious relationship is a no-no. I spent months trying to convince someone of this. I’d say that if you disagree, you either aren’t serious yet or are still to immature to understand this concept.
Here I sit, with no pesky opposite-sex friends in the orbit if my current relationship and feeling quite happy about it. And I happened to watch the movie Juno in theater the other week (great movie). There is a part in the movie where the girl is becoming friends with a married man and she just doesn’t understand why her stepmother is telling her to back off and it’s not right. She says they have so much in common and get along, they’re just friends, it’s not a big deal. And the stepmother holds firm, saying–you have a lot to learn…once you get married you will understand why that’s not okay.
She implies it’s part maturity, part respect, and part commitment as to why someone would purposely shield off opposite-sex friendships. And at a point in my life now…when I’m not being told I’m trippin for agreeing with her…I couldn’t feel better about my decisions to strike the hope of any new or rekindled male friendships into my life.
Call me old-fashioned or conservative…or better yet, you can just call me in love.
glo: a destination for young women 
Hi Lana, I’ve heard so much about you from Melissa, you seem really dope. In any case, I’ve been recently getting into blogging more and have been checking out some of the blogs linked to Melissa’s. Anyway, I came across this post and just wanted to say I TOTALLY AGREE! I really didn’t understand this at all for a long time – I was married, and my ex was a huge flirt which I allowed, so I didn’t quite understand those boundaries until my current relationship. There is no reason to make a new friend in the opposite sex – even if a guy is just your friend, why would you hang out with him one-on-one? It’s totally a respect/commitment/maturity thing. Thank you for posting this, I’ve only come to realize this in the past year and now I fully understand what that means. Nice to see someone else see it that way too. =) Oh, and your food looks fabulous!
that would be my best friend nina. 🙂 she’s trailing me around the blogosphere. hahahaha.
my first reaction to this was “RIGHT FUCKING ON.” I even quoted it to a couple of people monday night, I was so passionate about it.
for my part, I have male friends and some of them I feel I can be more open with and closer to – BUT the caveat in every case is that the guy is friends with both me and steve. and I really think that’s the only way it’s ok.
on the other side, I have also had experience with steve not understanding this when it came to one certain girl. to this day, he still doesn’t completely get it though I admit that was a complex situation. ANYWAY. more than anything, I was very frustrated with HER for not understanding why it was wrong for her to have a close relationship with a married man. it’s like that quote from juno. sometimes maybe it just takes growing up (or just gaining some damn maturity) and being in that kind of relationship yourself to really see why those boundaries are necessary.
/rant
hi Nina! hi Melissa!
Nina, i’m going to have to check out your blog…i’m happy to hear from you. i’ve heard a lot of fabulous things about you 🙂
yeah you girls are totally right…it’s something that you just *get* once you have the kind of relationship that deserves that special treatment. the situation i had dealt with in a previous relationship left me confused, annoyed, and feeling insecure. it feels good to be with someone that seems to show this respect. and same for me though, i show this relationship more respect than i ever thought i had in me!
xoxoxo ladies!