The 80-20 Rule for Relationships: Why you don’t CHEAT!
the other night i went to the theater to see one of the best romantic comedy / dramas i’ve seen since Brown Sugar (slight spoiler below, not too bad). Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married”, starring Janet Jackson and Jill Scott was true to life with the good and the bad. i included the trailer below, but it doesn’t even really do the movie justice…it’s not predictable or cheesy. the entire cast nailed their roles…both jill and janet both made me cry tears of sadness and joy for what they were going through at different times in the movie.
but the reason why i wanted to write about this is because i wanted to share with everyone the “80-20 Rule” for relationships. this rule was discussed by the four guys while they were sitting outside. the two “good men” were explaining the logic behind the rule to the two less than good men. don’t confuse this rule with the economic and philosophical rules out there…this one applies to relationships.
In our relationships, our partner is most likely only able to offer 80% of what we need. There are times when we will find someone who fills in the wholes, offering the other 20%…and because it’s been missing for so long, you think you’ve finally found what you truly need. But be carefully taking risks of cheating, or leaving your 80%…because what you will be left with, is that 20%. Obviously this is no where near as fulfilling as being with someone who offers 80%
this rule is TRUE! in the movie, one of the guys hates that his wife is as big as she is…he constantly makes fun of her weight and finds himself a thinner hottie. he wants to leave his wife for her, and does. then later in the movie, he realizes he has this hot, thin woman on his arm…but she doesn’t have any of the qualities that his ex did. so he’s left with 20%. same thing can happen if you cheat with that 20%…you may get caught, get the boot, and lose your 80%.
in real life, i’ve seen this occur in my friends relationships and thoughts have entered my head during my previous relationship as well. you have a man, but there are things he just doesn’t do for you. maybe it’s that he doesn’t want to DO anything fun, maybe he doesn’t like to gossip or talk about mushy stuff, maybe he’s not as attractive as other guys, maybe he doesn’t satisfy you under the sheets. and then…here comes along this guys who can satisfy that missing link. tempting, eh?
but you have to ask yourself if the list of things missing is longer than the list of what’s there, time to move on. but if your list of what’s there is longer than the few things missing…try to talk to your man and make it work! but if it’s still a lost cause and the thing that’s missing is unfixable, might be time to leave this one. i’m a firm believe that most of those things i listed, if they are missing and they are important to you, then you can’t be satisfied by your relationship. if you are okay with finding a friend to do the fun activities with, then no problem. but if it makes you sad that your man isn’t a fun activity partner, than it’s really just a waste of time. imagine if you just ignore your dissatisfaction and you find yourself married 10yrs later, totally unhappy and feeling locked in ::shutter::
good luck out there! don’t ruin a good thing if you got it, and if you don’t got it…move on!